Somehow I’m the adult now

Have you had one of those moments where you take a look at the life you’ve created and wonder, “How did I get here?” Yah, kinda like the Talking Heads in their song “Once in a Lifetime.”

Sometimes our lives get so busy that it feels like we’re always reacting to things rather than making conscious decisions and plans. (Or is that just me?)

One evening last year after a day of breaking up fights between my kids, I was taking our neighbor’s dog for a walk with one of my sons. We were having a nice walk and I noticed the shadow on the garage door and had the following thought:

My shadow on the wall makes me look so tall, but I don’t feel very big at all.

Then I thought how about how odd it is that I’m responsible for these three little people. It was easier to imagine when they were babies – they needed to be fed, burped, changed, etc. – but now they’re little adults in such important stages of development and good Lord, I’m responsible for helping them become successful, functioning, good adults. I’m their mom and, at least at their current ages, they look up at me to help navigate their way through life.

They’re lookin’ up at me as an authority
Don’t want to let them down, I’ll be their referee

And then that realization: I’m the adult now.

I remember first having that thought in high school, when I was a junior counselor in summer camp. One of my campers was homesick and I was trying to make her feel better. I don’t remember what I said, but whatever it was helped and when she left the cabin, I realized that I had no idea what I was doing, yet my words seem to help her. Then I wondered if my parents also faked their roles, too.

Somehow, I’m the adult now
I’m the grown-up, time to own up
No doubt, I’m freaking out
I turned around, found I’m the adult now

It seems like so long ago when I didn’t have this type of responsibility and thought how carefree I was, although I didn’t appreciate it at that time. I could go where I wanted, when I wanted (or where I could afford to go when I got time off work), and didn’t have such monumental responsibility.

It wasn’t long ago I traveled down that road
Chasing a mirage, going with the flow
Time tick-tocked away, work took over play
Responsibility swallowed up my day

Then all of a sudden, one thing led to another and here I am, the adult.

Somehow, I’m the adult now
I’m the grown-up, time to own up
No doubt, I’ll figure this out
I’ll say it out loud, I’m the adult now

This realization shouldn’t come as any big surprise – you grow up, you gain more responsibility, and if you have kids, then you’re the parents and are responsible for them.

It’s the way of the world, it’s a cycle of life
It’s an evolution as we try getting it right

Then there’s the acceptance. Here I am in this cycle of life and here are these kids and parents have been parenting for decades and nobody said it was easy. It’s just my turn to be here at this moment so just stop freaking out and do your best.

Somehow, I’m the adult now
I’m the grown-up, time to own up
No doubt, things will work out
I’ll make it count, I’m the adult now

Songwriting journey

When I brought this song to my songwriting workshop, one of the workshop facilitators, Randy, really liked it, especially the first line.

One woman wrote feedback on the lyric sheet, thanking me for bringing the song in that day because she was having similar feelings that morning. I really appreciated her feedback because isn’t that one thing that songwriting is all about – sharing your feelings and relating to others through song?

Another comment from a fellow songwriter was about the guitar, that he could see it have (insert word here, I don’t remember what it was, something more rockin’) guitar. I totally agree, I imagine it more of a guy singing it, kind of Blink 182-ish, someone who can hit higher, screamier notes than I can.

When I tried recording it, I tried being a little more screamier, but it sounded awful so here’s a basic recording to get the melody across. Feel free to sing along if you’re also freaking out about being the adult now.

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